The Truth In My Regrets
by CoffeeBiscotti
Summary: Bones realizes that a lot of decisions she's made were the wrong decisions, and she doesn't want to die with regrets. What will happen after she confesses her mistakes and makes her feelings clear? On Hiatus
1. Chapter 1

**Ugh, does anyone else HATE Hannah with a passion? I can't stand her and have been yelling as my TV screen for weeks begging the writers to kill her off or SOMETHING! In fact, I hate the writers this season, they've royally cocked up. So here's my way of expressing my opinions.**

Brennan had finally come to her senses. Maybe she couldn't prove her theory about how Lauren Eames came to be buried under a tree in Woodland. And she had no evidence to track down the person who'd ended her life. But working this case had brought her to realize the mistakes she'd made in her own life over the past six years. She'd been a fool to think she could keep on surviving alone, and she'd been suffering a sinking feeling of loss ever since Booth had come home from the middle east with a new girlfriend. It had never occurred to Brennan that Booth would move on. And despite Hannah being in the picture, when Booth has pulled her out of the way of that car, things had felt different, but the same. It had felt like the old days, when they were a team, best friends, and the sexual tension between them could be sliced with a knife. She'd missed that feeling over the past two years, and when it came rushing back on top of her new realization in Woodland, she knew she couldn't keep it to herself, no matter what the outcome.

"I made a mistake" she confessed to Booth in the car.

"I told you my opinion, you got it right" he assured her, looking uncomfortable.

"Not everything" she admitted, her voice laden with regret. Booth was silent.

"She died with regrets"

"Oh, come on, Bones everybody has regrets" Brennan shook her head, he misunderstood.

"I heard her you know. Micah says that all we get are these dim staticky messages from the universe"

"Who's this Micah guy?" Booth interrupted.

"The night watchman, he attends a lot of lectures. Anyway the point is she never gave him a chance."

"Micah?" Booth looked puzzled.

"No, no the helicopter pilot." Brennan corrected him "He offered himself to her but she never gave him a chance that was her regret." Next came her confession. "I got the signal Booth, I don't want to have any regrets."

There was a long pause between them while Booth tried to comprehend what his partner was trying to tell him.

"Um, I'm, I'm with someone. Bones, and uh Hannah, she's not a consolation prize. I love her." He let her down. He did love Hannah, and he was happy with Hannah. Being with Hannah was easy.

Unable to hold back, Brennan burst into tears. She had known that Booth would say this. Booth was loyal and honest, it was part of what Brennan was in love with him.

"You know the last thing I want to do is hurt you" he continued "But those are the facts." He couldn't believe this was happening right now.

"I understand" Brennan sniffled "I missed my chance." She said through sobs "My whole world turned upside down, I can adjust."

"I did" Booth said, thinking back to the pain he'd felt after Brennan rejected him 18 months ago.

"Yes you did" Brennan agreed. She had told him, he knew now. She couldn't change the past, but at least Booth knew how she felt now.

"Do you want me to, uh, call someone to be with you?" Booth asked. Brennan shook her head. The only person she wanted with her, was him.

"No I'm fine alone" she said. Always alone "Thanks".

The rest of the ride was silent and when Booth pulled up outside her building she opened the door to get out, but paused.

"Booth, I know you love Hannah" she started, one leg out the door "but I also know that you loved me once, and I don't believe that has gone away. I would never ask you to leave her, I know you're not that kind of guy. It's why I love you." She paused and let those words sink in "But I also can't keep pretending like I don't feel anything. I can't die Booth, not having told you how I feel."

Then she got out of the car and closed the door before Booth could speak, she ran across the road in the still pouring rain. Behind her she heard Booth calling her name, but she didn't turn around. She entered her building and took the stairs up to her apartment where she climbed into a boiling hot shower and tired to steam out the tensions of the day, and she cried. She cried until she couldn't cry anymore, and her head ached and the water ran cold. Then she got dressed, collected her things, went down to the parking garage and headed back to work. It was almost midnight, but she knew she wouldn't sleep. She needed a distraction, and thought that cataloging some ancient remains might, as it usually did, make her feel… less.

**Ok, thoughts? I have a vague idea on where I will take this, but I would love to hear your thoughts. On this story, or how you feel about this season, anything. How do you think the Booth/Hannah situation will go? Will he finally get rid of her? I hope so.**


	2. Chapter 2

Booth has watched his Bones run into her apartment building without a glance back at him. Had he really just heard her say the word 'love' come out of her mouth? Now, after he'd waited years for her to see how she really felt about him, she'd decided to have her epiphany after he'd met someone else and moved on. He was so confused.

He drove home and sat in his idle car thinking, he didn't think he could face Hannah right now, not while he was feeling so – infuriated. He loved Hannah, he knew that. She was good for him, she was easy to be with, happy and independent and strong and sexy as hell and besides that Parker liked her. But then, Parker loved Bones too. It was getting pretty late, so Booth headed up to his apartment hoping that Hannah had already gone to bed.

The apartment was dark and silent when he entered, and quickly checking the bedroom he saw that Hannah was fast asleep, her mouth hanging open and lightly snoring. He shut the door tight and went back to the dark living room where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat in the shadows trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

He was onto his third scotch when his eyes fell on the telephone. The phone Hannah had brought him as a housewarming present. The phone Bones had told her to buy. Hannah hadn't known what to get him, but Bones knew exactly what he would love. He kicked a pillow away in frustration. Here was Bones, who knew everything about him, and then some, who'd been his constant companion for six years, who he'd been in love with for as long as he'd known her for, and who had such terrible timing! He couldn't sit here any more, abandoning his drink he picked up his car keys and left the apartment again.

Brennan spent a few long hours at her workspace at the Jeffersonian cataloguing the remains of a 17 your old boy who'd died during the first world war and was buried in a mass grave. After positively matching the skeleton to the army record of Jonathon England and placing the remains away, finally identified Brennan headed home. She hadn't slept much at all for the past three days and thought she may finally be exhausted enough to pass out in bed, instead of lie awake with a head of rolling thoughts about regrets and fading into oblivion.

She arrived back at her apartment just after 3am and quickly changed into her pajamas before crawling into bed, where she did quickly fall asleep.

Brennan was having a fitful dream in which Booth rejected her and left her abandoned on the side of the road in the desert, when a loud banging sound intruded into her subconscious. She awoke in her bed, anxious from her dream and staring at her bedside clock, illuminating the room with the time 4.13am. Rubbing sleep from her exhausted eyes she realized that someone was loudly beating down her front door.

Collecting her silk robe, she pulled it on as she left the bedroom and cautiously padded, barefoot down the hall and across the living room where she looked out the peep hole to see Booth, looking furious and distraught banging on her door. With a deep breath she calmed herself and unchained the door to let Booth in. She could tell he wasn't drunk, but she could also smell the scotch on his breath, he practically fell into her apartment from the momentum of his banging on the door and then he began to pace the space between the couch and the kitchen counter. Brennan shut the door behind him and stood back, while Booth gathered his thoughts.

Several minutes must have passed while Booth paced back and forth, clearly struggling with something he wanted to say, all the while Brennan just stood and waited. She'd done enough damage for one night, it was Booth's turn to take charge, and that's exactly what he did. He turned on Brennan suddenly, causing her to jump a little bit at his sudden movement.

"You.. you just, I can't… how can you... why did you… it's not fair Bones!" he stammered loudly.

"I know" was all she said, in a quiet whisper "It's not fair at all."

Booth stood there shaking his head for a moment and then in a sudden movement, so sudden that neither him nor Brennan realized what was happening he closed the space between them in one quick step, grasped her tightly around the waist and kissed her fiercely.

It was as if he was acting on impulse alone, seeing her standing there in her black and red kimono robe, bare foot and vulnerable. She was just letting him come to terms with everything, letting him ramble incoherently, then she bit down on her bottom lip and he lost control of him actions and swept her into a kiss. Like it has been on the times before, when their lips met it was electric and warmth rushed over them. Booth had his hands on her waist, but as they kissed they drifted closer, her leg shifted in between his and his arms wrapped around her. One of her hands found it's way up into the back of his hair and the other clutched at the front of his shirt.

She opened her mouth to him, and his tongue, warm and wet, traced her bottom lip before slipping into her mouth, he tasted like scotch. As their tongues danced together Booth pushed her back against the counter and their bodies were flush against each other, his hands roamed up and down her silk covered back and then suddenly, the kiss ended and Booth jumped back as if he'd touched an electric current. They stared intently at each other or a long moment, and then without a word, Booth turned on his heels and was out the door. Following him, Brennan watched until he was down the stairs and out of sight before closing the door and locking it again. Then she retreated back to her bed, and clutching a pillow to her chest, cried again. But now she was so exhausted that is hardly lasted a few minutes before sleep consumed her.

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**Ok, thoughts? I was kind of in two minds about this chapter, because I think some people will not be happy with the way it played out. But that's just how it happened. I hope that our shared loved of Booth and Brennan will be justification enough for how I wrote this.**

**=)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Alright, finals are over and for the next few weeks I'm plan free so hopefully I will be able to find the motivation to write heaps! Enjoy chapter three!**

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The next morning Brennan woke to the sound of her cell phone ringing from her purse on top of the dresser, where she'd left it the night before. Pulling back the covers she stumbled across the room and pulled her phone out to see Cam Saroyan's name flashing on the caller I.D.

"Brennan" she yawned into the phone as she hit the answer button.

"Doctor Brennan, is everything alright?" her boss asked, concern evident in her kind voice.

"Yes, everything is fine" Brennan assured her, she glanced at the clock and saw that she had slept through the entire morning and it was now 12.30pm. "I don't think I'll be coming in today Cam, I'm sorry I haven't called but I need a personal day"

"Of course Doctor Brennan, you had a rough couple of days with the last case, take today off and I'll see you back at work on Monday" she said, Cam had been worried about her star forensic anthropologist over the past three days. She'd taken Lauren Eames' case very personally and Came was worried that Brennan might do something irrational. She'd never seen Doctor Brennan act the way that she had, but hearing her voice on the other end of the phone sounding much more calm and rational than it had been sounding recently she was better assured.

"Thank you, Doctor Saroyan. I'll see you on Monday"

They ended the call and Brennan decided to take a shower and wake herself up before fixing herself some breakfast. She wasn't one to take personal time off of work, but then again she'd been through some turbulence the past few days. And she didn't think she could face Booth after last night.

In the bathroom she turned the water on as hot as she could stand it and let it wash the stress away. She took the time to wash her hair and shave her legs, trying to make herself feel more human. When the water started to turn cold she climbed out of the shower and toweled off, blow dried her hair and got dressed for the day, picking out a comfortable pair of jeans that she usually saved for the weekend, and a cream and gold striped tank top. Walking into the living area she was met with the smell of baking cinnamon rolls and found her best friend Angela, showing a slight baby bump plumping the pillows on her sofa.

"Angela" Brennan spoke drawing her friends attention to her presence "What are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you when you didn't show up for work!" Angela gushed, dropping the pillow in her hands and rushing over to draw her friend into a hug, "then when Cam said you were taking a personal day I had to come over and find out what was wrong!"

"I appreciate your concern Ang, but I'm okay" Brennan lied, stepping out of her friends arms. Angela shook her head and went over to the oven and pulled out a tray of fresh cinnamon rolls.

"You can't hide from me sweetie," Angela scolded, setting the tray down to cool "Something's up, so talk to me about it".

Brennan sighed and grabbed a mug from the cupboard, pouring herself a mug of hot coffee from the pot Angela must have started.

"I've just had a stressful few days," she said. Brennan wasn't ready to tell her friend all the details of what happened last night. Angela would just get overly excited about her confession to Booth, and then she'd be furious with him and probably end up crying. Pregnancy hormones had Angela on an emotional rollercoaster recently and it was difficult to have a rational conversation when she took everything so personally.

Angela knew her friend wasn't telling her the whole truth, but she also knew that pushing Brennan wouldn't heed any results. Instead she ushered her into one of the stools at the breakfast bar and placed the cinnamon rolls and some fresh fruit in front of her, then sat beside her to eat with her friend. While they ate Brennan spoke about everything that happened with the case, very carefully editing around all of the details about her and Booth.

Angela could tell she wasn't getting the full story, and she got the feeling that Brennan wasn't telling her something about her handsome partner, there was an unmistakable quiver in Brennan's voice whenever she spoke his name.

"But why do you think you identified with this victim so much?" Angela asked when Brennan was done explaining her story.

"I just think we led very similar lifestyles" Brennan said, "There were a lot of similarities between us and I got scared that I might end up like she did."

"Buried under a tree in a bad part of town?" Angela laughed

"No" Brennan smiled, knowing that Angela was trying to lighten the mood "Dying alone" was all she said, after that the mood became very somber and Angela wished she could stay and comfort her friend longer, but she had a doctors appointment and Jack was meeting her there in half an hour. After Angela left Brennan tidied up dishes from their meal. She'd felt better being able to talk about the case with her friend, but she still needed to work out the situation that had occurred with Booth.

Before she could stop herself or think about what she was doing Brennan has entered the J. Edgar Hoover FBI Building and was knocking on his office door. When he yelled "COME IN!", Brennan took a deep breath and swung the door open.

"Doctor Sweets, I need your help," she said

"Doctor Brennan, what can I do for you?" he smiled, Doctor Brennan may be brilliant, but she wasn't one to come and seek help from his profession. Brennan took a seat on the small sofa across from Sweets and cleared her throat, she started to tell Sweets everything that had happened over the past few days, and the realizations she'd come to about her and Booth. All the while Sweets just sat and listened, one of his legs propped up on his knee, his elbows resting on the arms of his chair, forming a triangle as his chin rested on his knuckles. Every now and then he would nod his head or 'Mmm' or 'Ahh' at Brennan's story. It wasn't until she started to talk about her confession to Booth that his leaned forward in peeked interest.

"So you asked Agent Booth to leave Hannah for you?" he interrupted.

"No!" she exclaimed, "I wouldn't ask him to do that, he wouldn't leave her like that anyway"

"Then what were you hoping to gain from your confession"

"I don't know" she shrugged "But I haven't finished yet", he sat back and gestured for her to continue. She went on to tell him about Booth's late night visit to her apartment and the kiss that they'd shared, at which point Sweets was sitting on the edge of his seat.

"So basically I don't know what I should do" Brennan finished and slumped back in the cushions. Sweets was floored, in all the time that he had known Agent Booth and Doctor Brennan he'd known that they held feelings for each other, but recently he'd begun to loose hope that the couple would ever come together romantically. Since they had returned from their time apart and Booth had become serious with Hannah there had been a cold distance between his friends, and he couldn't help but loose some faith in his own assessments. The way Booth spoke about Hannah was warm enough, but it was clear that she was nothing more than a substitute for what he really wanted, and that was Temperance.

"I have to say that I am shocked" Sweets said, "I always thought that you and Agent Booth would get together, you know that Agent Booth is fiercely loyal to those that he loves, and he believes that he is in love with Hannah so I am sure that he is very confused at the moment, because his true feelings for you have resurfaced from your confession."

"But I missed my chance with Booth, he loves Hannah and he wouldn't leave her"

"Yes, but he kissed you"

"He did" Brennan agreed.

"He probably feels guilty about it" Sweets continued "He'll be upset with himself for betraying Hannah, but on the other hand he's probably overwhelmed with emotions, which is why he kissed you."

"So what can I do?"

"I don't think you can do much else just yet, Agent Booth will need time to process everything, I'm sure he'll approach you soon enough."

"So that's it?" She asked bewildered, she'd come here for a solution.

"For now" was all Sweets said. Disappointed, Brennan collected her things, thanked Sweets and left. Once he was alone in his office again he couldn't help but grin, and he knew that it was time to pay a visit to Agent Booth and try and work out the other side of this situation. He only hoped that Booth's relationship with Hannah wouldn't keep him from his true happiness with the woman he's always loved.

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**My aim was to stay at least a chapter ahead of my uploads, but alas chapter 4 is giving me hell, so I am so open to any suggestions might have about what you think should happen next. As always I love to hear your thoughts, your reviews make me so happy - Im like a junkie, constantly checking my email for review alerts =P so feed my habit if you will.**

**Peace**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well I had a really hard time writing this chapter, I'm having trouble getting inside Booth's head. Brennan is much easier for me to relate to. But here it is after a long struggle. I'd like to thank one of my reviewers for inspiring part of this chapter, they will know who they are when they read it. Enjoy chapter 4, and have a very Merry Christmas everyone =)**

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_The church was warm and smelt of incense. The pews were filled with people, from all throughout his life. Sitting in the front row was a tiny old lady wearing a dark blue dress, her hair pinned up in a striking bun but her face was adorned with a soft smile._

"_Gran?" Booth spoke, his voice was almost as ghostly as he felt the woman in front of him was._

"_Seeley, darling" his grandmother, who was long passed away, whispered his name and he rush to kneel before her._

"_Gran, what are you doing here?"_

"_You didn't think I'd miss my favorite grandson's wedding did you?" she retorted._

"_But… but you're…"_

"_Dead?" she interrupted "Pish posh! That's not important, what's important is that it's your wedding day, and you're marrying the woman who you love and who will always keep you happy"_

_Booth only smiled at her._

"_You have my ring?" she asked, and he nodded in reply patting his breast pocket._

"_Good boy, now you get up there and marry her" Booth resumed his position in front of the alter and stood to face the church doors. The organ began to sound the first notes of the wedding march and the doors opened slowly to reveal his bride._

_She was a goddess in white, the veil barely masking her beautiful face and her soft brown hair was arranged in curls and pins to keep it in place. His Bones smiled widely as she began her walk down the long aisle towards him, he smiled back._

_It seemed like an age before the organ was quiet and she was standing before him, still smiling he held out his hand and took hers walking her to stand with him in front of the alter. They shared one last loving glance before Booth turned to face the priest._

"_We are gathered here today, to join this happy couple in holy matrimony" the priest said, loud enough for everyone to hear._

"_Do you Seeley Joseph Booth, take Hannah to be your lawfully wedded wife?"_

"_Hannah?" he froze, the woman beside him wasn't supposed to be Hannah. He turned his head to check, and instead of brown tresses he saw blonde locks, instead of warm brown eyes he saw cold blue ones._

"_No" he whispered "No!"_

"_Seeley?" the woman spoke and it was Hannah's voice_

"_No!"_

"Seeley?" someone shook him

"NOO!" he cried out, shooting upright.

"Seeley, it was just a dream" the voice broke through his consciousness and he took in his surroundings. He was in his apartment, sitting in his chair again. The morning sun shone through the windows and Hannah stood next to him, dressed for work with her bag slung over her shoulder.

"What?" Booth asked

"You were dreaming" she said again "When did you get home?"

"Uh, I'm not sure" he said, rubbing his eyes and thinking about what he'd just dreamt.

"Must have been late" she continued, not noticing his distress in that moment "You weren't hear when I woke up at three, did you have a development in the case or something?" she asked.

"Or something" he said quietly, "The case is finished" he added.

"Oh, good. Well I'm going to work. You should probably get some sleep" she kissed the top of his head and turned on her heels. "See you tonight" she called back as she shut the apartment door, leaving him alone again.

He got up and went into the bedroom, his side of the bed was left untouched, but Hannah's was unmade and her pajamas were on the floor. Booth picked them up and through them in the hamper, then went over to his dresser and pulled out the carved wooden music box that was once his mothers.

Opening it he withdrew the small velvet pouch and opened the drawstrings, tipping the contents into his hand. Now lying on his palm was his grandmother's golden ring, still shiny from her diligent care for it. After a long moment he put the ring back in its pouch, but instead of putting it back in the box, he slid it into his pants pocket. He'd always kept this ring hidden and safe, but right now he felt like it should be close to him.

He sat himself down on the bed and not realizing how exhausted he was, fell asleep still in his suit pants and buttoned shirt, his cocky belt buckle pushing against his stomach in his upright sleeping position.

He dreamed again, but this time it was about last night's kiss, his tongue in her mouth, and her soft lips teasing him, making him crazy. The kiss was intense, it was hot and real and raised feelings inside of Booth that had been suppressed for so long. Pushed up against the counter he could feel her body from top to toe, his fingers in her soft hair. Then Hannah's face had appeared in his minds eye and he was ridden with guilt. As quickly as the kiss had started he pulled away and before he could say or do anything he'd regret, he left.

He woke with a start, he'd only been asleep for a short while and was still exhausted but not wanting to dream again, wouldn't go back to sleep. Instead he showered, put on a fresh suit and with his grandmother's ring burning a hole in his pocket he went into work. He still had paperwork to finish for the Lauren Eames case, and even if he was falling asleep at his desk that would serve as a distraction from the past twenty four hours.

Or at least he thought it would, three hours later he was sitting at his desk staring at the still untouched stack of paperwork and thinking about Bones, and Hannah and the messed up predicament he'd somehow managed to get himself into. He contemplated his next move, maybe he'd run away – not facing the confrontation seemed like a great idea to him. He could take Parker and go camping for a few days and just spend some quality time with his son, and not have to deal with any of this until he got back. He sent Rebecca a text to see if his weekend with Parker could start tonight instead of tomorrow morning because of his plans, he knew she'd be annoyed but he didn't care. Before he got a response he stood from his leather chair and holstered his gun and went to blow off some steam in the basement shooting range. If he'd waited a few minutes before leaving his office he would have run into the woman who had been plaguing his thoughts as she left Doctor Sweets' office.

He signed into the FBI Gun Gallery and settled himself in at window six, farthest from the door, and pegged on a target. In the dark room, with the ugly orange earmuffs covering his ears he focused on the feeling of the gun in his hand. The weight of the cold metal felt natural in his hand, he felt, rather than heard the click when he unlatched the safety and reveled in the slight contraction of his arm muscles as he squeezed the trigger. His stance held steady as the bullet fired and flew across the distance, hitting the target square in the heart. He fired his gun again, and again. Six bullets, six kill shots, three to the heart, three to the head – his aim was impeccable. Through his muffed ears he heard a dull thudding, and turned to see Lance Sweets leaning against the wall behind him clapping. Annoyed at the interruption, especially by Mr. Psychoanalytical who was sure to have some irritatingly accurate advice for him.

"Sweets" Booth muttered, pushing the muffs back so that they hung around his neck and reloading his weapon "What can I do for you?" he asked.

"I think the more accurate question would be, what can I do for you Agent Booth?" he responded stepping forward. Booth laid his gun on the ledge of his window and sighed.

"Nothing" he retorted "I don't need anything from you right now"

"Doctor Brennan came to speak to me" he interjected, Booth looked bewildered for a moment, Bones didn't believe in psychology so why would she go and visit Sweets?

"And?" was Booth's attempt at appearing aloof.

"And I thought that you would want to talk about it," Sweets replied.

"Nope" Booth said picking up his gun again.

"Agent Booth, I understand that you must be confused right now, but I find it difficult to comprehend why you are being so resistant to Doctor Brennan's feelings, I know you have felt the same way about her for a long time now"

"Sweets" Booth sighed "Just leave it okay? This is between me and Bones, and frankly it's none of your damn business what I do about it."

"There's no need to be aggressive with me Agent Booth, I simply meant to seek you out in case you needed a friend to speak with"

"Then be a friend Sweets, and stop being a shrink for a minute," Sweets was silent, and allowed Booth to continue.

"I know I've been waiting for this moment Sweets, and yeah, I'm as confused as hell. I don't know what I'm feeling anymore, I'd given up on any hope that Bones would ever want me." He paused and took a deep breath "And I can't just drop everything for her, she's a gamble Sweets and you know I can't take a risk like that, she changes her mind like she changes her clothes. I never know what she wants."

"She wants you" Sweets interrupted

"Today she wants me. Tomorrow she wants to be alone. I can't keep up. I'm not a gambling man, not anymore at least, I can't put all my bets on her when she's such a risk."

"But you are a gambler Booth, I don't mean to say you still have a problem with betting money, you don't. But when it comes to your personal life you always follow your heart. Why is this any different? Why not take another leap of faith?" Sweets stepped closer and made sure Booth was looking him in the eye "Is it really a risk, when you could gain love?" he questioned. For a long moment Booth stared him down, and then suddenly pushed him away.

"It's not that simple Sweets" he muttered "I'm with Hannah now, and Hannah is safe" then he walked away, he was almost to the door of the gun room when he heard Sweets call after him.

"You'll lead a sad life if all you do is wager on what you know to be safe"

He didn't turn back, he didn't acknowledge Sweets' comment, but he kept walking. Checking his phone he had a reply from Rebecca saying that if he could pick up Parker by four thirty then he could have him early. The time above the message said three fifty so he hurried to the parking garage and went to pick up his son, instead of pondering Sweets' advice any longer. He just needed to think, he just needed to get away.

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**Review if you can, I honestly appreciate them more than I can say. **

**I hope Santa brings you all lots of goodies** =)


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh my god. I am so, so bad at getting my stories finished. For those of you who have subscribed/story alerted and commented on this story, I'm so sorry it's been so long. I hope you will forgive me, I was actually on a huge holiday all around the USA and then I moved back to Australia and I've been very busy with all the things that come with an international move. The good news is, I have the next two weeks off work, and next week my partner is going back to the east coast for a while, so I have a lot of potential writing time coming up, and I am determined to finish this story!**

**So without further ado, here is chapter 5!**

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"DADDY!" Parker squealed when his father walked in the door to his mother's apartment.

"Hey buddy!" he greeted, swooping his son into his arms "Ready to go camping?"

"Yeah!"

From the kitchen doorway Rebecca cleared her throat and Booth turned to face her, still holding Parker.

"Thanks for letting me pick him up today Rebecca. It's been a tough week, I just want to take him out of town for a couple of days. Get way, you know?"

"Mmm, just be careful with him Seeley. I don't want him getting hurt," she said coldly, Booth put Parker down and told him to go get his things.

"God, why do you always do this Rebecca? You know I would never let anything happen to him," he said after his son had left the room.

"Well he's my son Seeley. I'm supposed to worry about him."

"Well he's my son too Rebecca. And you know that I'd do anything to protect him!" Parker came back in then, putting a stop to any more of the bitter conversation, which was all the two of them ever spoke about anymore.

"I'll bring him back Sunday night," Booth said, taking Parker's bag in one hand and his sons hand in the other, leading him out to the car.

It was his relationship with Rebecca which caused a lot of hesitation in his relationships. He hated that Parker didn't have a normal family, and he never wanted to end up in the same position again. Back at his apartment Booth gathered together all the gear needed for their camping trip. By the time they were ready to leave, Hannah still wasn't home so Booth dialed her cell to tell her his plans.

"Hey Seeley" she answered, the sounds of the D.C Metro accompanying her voice.

"Hey Han," he said "Listen, I've got Parker with me. I was going to take him away for a few days, have a father/son camping trip."

"Oh, okay. That sounds nice. You guys have fun," was her short reply.

"So, that's alright with you?" he asked. Feeling as if she should have cared a little more that she wasn't going to see him for three days.

"Yeah, of course. I'm going to be working all weekend again anyway. You go and enjoy yourself."

"Right then, I'll be back Sunday night."

"See you Sunday then, bye Seeley"

"Bye…" was all he could say before the line went dead. His conversation with Hannah left him feeling disheartened. Looking over to his son waiting patiently on the couch he tried to dispel the thought, it was time to hit the road for a female free weekend.

The sun rose on Sunday morning bathing their campsite in golden light and warming the small tent they slept in. Quietly Booth left the tent to get some breakfast ready. Fish they'd caught the day before, and some fire cooked toast. With the senses of a hungry bear, Parker woke up just as the meal was ready and came cheerily from the tent.

"Hey Dad!" he cheered sitting in his little camp chair.

"Hey bud, here's some breakfast."

"Thanks!" they ate in silence for a while before Booth asked his son an important question.

"Parker? You like Hannah right?"

"Hannah? Yeah. She's nice."

"And, what about Bones? You like Bones?"

"Yeah!" he cheered "I love Auntie Bones! She's funny!"

"Yeah" Booth contemplated "She is."

"And she always plays games with me, and teaches me cool stuff!" Booth couldn't do anything but smile, however sadly.

* * *

After her three day weekend Brennan was itching to return to work, and desperate to see Booth again. Not hearing from him all weekend had just about driven her mad, as much as she hated to say it, she'd come to depend on seeing him every day. Deep in her stomach she felt a pit of dread that she may have lost that forever. So she went into work bright and early, arriving before anyone else in the team and starting her morning with the paperwork from the Eames case, the last thing she'd have to do with the painfully personal case.

Angela was the first person to visit her that morning, ducking her head in when she arrived at nine.

"Ange, how was your appointment on Friday?" she asked.

"Great. Everything's fine, baby's healthy. Are you okay now?"

"I will be" she assured her friend.

"Something happened last Thursday didn't it? Something big?" Angela asked, lowering herself slowly onto the couch in Brennan's office.

"Yeah, really big. But, it didn't work out. So I just need to come to terms with it now."

"Did something happen with you and Booth? This feels like something to do with Booth."

"It is" Bones admitted, putting down her work and joining Angela on the couch. "I told Booth, that I made a mistake last year, when I told him no." She said, knowing that Angela would know exactly what she was talking about.

"Oh my gosh! Sweetie! What did he say?" she gasped, her interest peaked.

"He said that I missed my chance," Brennan shrugged "He's in love with Hannah, and I'm too late."

"Oh, honey!" Angela cried "No, I don't think he really means that! I'm sure that he's still in love with you! That doesn't just go away. HE was probably just shocked. And you know Booth, he'd never break his loyalty to a woman he's in a relationship with."

Brennan smiled, laughing a little on the inside remembering the fiery kiss from the early hours of Friday morning. Booth's one moment of weakness.

"I know Ange, I know he still feels something for me. But he says he loves Hannah, and he's happy. I need to respect that. It's partly my fault, afterall."

"You're very calm about this" Angela commented. Worrying that he friend was going to shut herself away inside.

"I am now. I've had a lot of time to think about it this weekend Ange. The fact is, I never want to loose Booth from my life. And while I will always, always love him, if all I can have from him is friendship, then I'll take it. Hannah is a really nice woman, and if she makes Booth happy, then I'm sort of okay with that."

"Really?" Angela asked, eyebrows raised in skepticism.

"Well, as okay as I can be. I do love him Angela. I think I always have. And I know I always will. But, I just have to accept this now, and maybe one day Booth with change his mind. And I'll be waiting, even if it never happens. I'll be waiting, god knows he waited long enough for me." Brennan said resolutely.

"I think he'll come Tempe, he'll come to you soon enough."

"Maybe," she shrugged. "I'm not going to hold my breath, but maybe."

"I can't believe you finally told him" Angela admitted, struggling her pregnant body out of the couch. Brennan helped her up with a grin.

"I just wish I'd realized sooner."

"I know sweetie, so do I," her friend sighed, giving her a hug. "I'll see you later, baby needs to pee" she laughed.

"Alright Ange, see you later."

After Angela left her office, Brennan returned to her desk to stare at the phone. Praying it would ring, and she'd have an excuse to see Booth.

* * *

**I hope that was worth the wait, I'm a little bit stuck with inspiration right now, so I'm not totally please. But please, leave some feedback and suggestions if you have any! =)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Alrighty, here's chapter 6! Please review, it encourages me to write faster =P Next update will be on Sunday**

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**Chapter 6**

"Can we go see Auntie Bones now?" Parker pleaded as they arrived back in D.C.

"Not today Parker" Booth said, merging into the city traffic, which was strangely busy for a Sunday afternoon.

"Awwww, Dad! Why not?" he whined "I always see Auntie Bones when I'm with you! Why can't we?"

"Because I said no Parker, we can't see Bones this weekend. I have to take you home now."

"Hmph!" Parker huffed, crossing his arms and frowning as hard as he could "It's not fair!"

"Life isn't always fair Parker. Trust me."

"Does Bones not want to see me anymore?" Parker worried "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, of course not! Bones loves you Parker, but we just can't visit her today. End of discussion."

Of course, what Booth didn't know was that Brennan was sitting at home staring out of her living room window, wondering how much damage she had really done to their relationship because she hadn't heard from Booth all weekend, and she knew he had Parker this weekend, which just worried her even more.

* * *

On Monday morning in his office, Booth avoided returning the messages on his machine from Lance Sweets, and hoped that a new case would turn up so that he could move on with his life. He might still be confused about what had happened between him and Bones, who if he was being honest with himself, was still the love of his life, but he sure knew he hadn't liked the distance between them this weekend. Hannah or no Hannah, Bones was still his best friend, that wasn't going to change. He just hoped they could get past this, and move forward, one way or the other.

His phone rang then, startling from his reverie.

"Booth" he answered, once he'd made sure the caller I.D wasn't coming from Sweets' office.

"Booth" his boss, Andrew Hacker's voice responded, "A body's been found washed up in the sewer drain. I want you to lead."

"Yes sir, on my way," he obeyed, jotting down the details as Hacker recited them.

When Booth arrived at the crime scene Cam was already there, leaning over the body of a young woman who was half submerged in the murky water. A little further down the large concrete tunnel he could make out Jack Hodgins, wearing his rubber waders and standing waist deep in water, looking far too excited for being at a crime scene. Quickly scanning the rest of the crowd he was surprised to feel his heart sink when he realized Brennan wasn't there.

"Cam!" He barked, to get her attention as he teetered on the edge of the waterway. There was no way he was getting his nice, new Italian leather shoes anywhere near that water.

"Morning Booth," she greeted, not even looking up, instead taking her gloved hands and turning the dead girls head.

"What have we got?" he called back, this time she looked up and he could tell she was holding back a laugh behind that smirk on her face.

"Not coming to see for yourself?" she teased.

"Very funny Cam, you know…"

"Ah! Doctor Brennan, you're here!" Cam cut him off. Booth spun to look behind him towards the opening of the sewer tunnel and saw the silhouette of his partner coming towards them. She waded right past, not bothering to stand out of the water in her rubber boots, and gave him a curt nod.

"Morning Booth," she greeted him, speaking more coldly that she had in a few good years. He felt himself frown, now that was hardly fair. But he didn't have time to analyse because she started ranting then.

"Cam, what am I doing here?" she started, placing her hands on her hips. Her back was to him, but Booth could just imagine the look on her face, eyebrows raised and eyes glaring. "There are no bones here, there's too much flesh on this body for me to be of any use. You needn't have called me in."

"I'm sorry Doctor Brennan," Cam said, standing up from the body to meet Brennan's eye. "You usually demand to see the crime scene, flesh or no flesh."

Brennan cast a quick glance towards Booth, which Cam or course noticed, along with Booth's fidgety demeanor.

"Yes, well…" Brennan said, trying not to turn around again.

"Not to worry Doctor Brennan, you don't need to stay. I'll let you know when we're ready for you in the lab."

"Right," she said awkwardly "Sure, goodbye," and with that Brennan was making a beeline for the exit. Booth watched until she was out of the tunnel and out of sight, behind him Cam let out a low whistle.

"What did you do?" she asked, returning to her work on the body. Booth was very aware of the fact that Hodgins had stopped what he was doing, and was slowly wading closer to them.

"Me? Who says I did anything?" Booth cried. Cam scoffed.

"Please, Seeley. You and I both know that you are the only person in the world who can get Brennan worked up enough to avoid doing her job. Plus the way you two couldn't even look at each other was a bit off a tip off," she pronounced. Booth took a long time to respond, he and Cam knew that she was right.

"Look, it's between me and Bones okay? You just, don't worry about it."

"Fine" she answered "But it had better not interfere with the case. And you'd better work it out, alright? Whenever you two are fighting I always end up with meddling staff who are more focused on your problems than they are on their work." She cast a glance back at Hodgins who quickly tried to look busy with a test tube. "Proof of point!" She said loudly giving Booth another glare.

"Alright! Just stop looking at me like that. I get it. Now tell me what happened to the girl."

"Alright, alright, give me a minute," she said, resuming her examination.

Half an hour later Booth was sitting back in his car, watching as Cam loaded the body bag into the back of the coroner's truck. Hodgins gave him a wave and a smirk as he climbed back into one of the lab's SUV's and pulled out of the crime scene. Booth didn't wave back, instead he opened his note book and reviewed the notes that Cam had given him.

The girl was young, fifteen to eighteen years old, she'd been dead for about three days and sitting in the drain pipe for at least two of those days. She had bruises on her neck so was assumed strangled, the hemorrhaging in her eyes was further proof of that. Frustratingly none of this was concrete until Brennan could do her thing, and Cam had done a proper autopsy. The water in the drain had compromised her face and they wouldn't be able to identify her until Angela had done a reconstruction. Booth had nothing to go on, and nothing to do until all of those question marks were knocked off. Angry, and with nothing to do Booth started his car and headed back towards his office, he'd report into Hacker, then he'd go to the Jeffersonian and badger the squints until they had answers for him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry this is a few days late! It was a hectic weekend as we had a home open for our house which kept me busy, so I decided to post today as an anniversary present to myself! **

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Back at the lab Angela was waiting anxiously for Brennan and the others, but mostly Brennan, to return from the crime scene. Afterall, this was going to be the first time Booth and Brennan saw each other since their kiss, and Angela simply had to know what had happened. Much to her disappointment though, it was Jack who returned from the scene first.

"Oh, it's just you," she sighed.

"Love you too Ange" he laughed, "What are you so anxious about?"

"Nothing" she lied. Which he called her out on.

"Liar, this is about Booth and Doctor Brennan isn't it?" he guessed "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on Ange, I'm your husband, you can't keep secrets from me."

She burst out laughing.

"You are such a gossip!" She laughed, tossing the plush teddy bear from her desk across the room. It bounced off his chest and landed on the floor. Hodgins picked it up and returned it to it's place.

"And you love me for it, now what's up with Doctor B?" he asked again. Angela chewed on her bottom lip for a second, but she knew she couldn't just keep all this to herself. Besides, he was her husband, she could tell him anything!

"Brennan told Booth that she was in love with him, and he turned her down. But then he showed up at her place and kissed her!" She shrieked, bouncing with excitement. "But they haven't seen each other since then, and I know that they're both in love with each other, and Booth wouldn't be hesitating to tell her that if it weren't for Hannah! So now they both know how each other feels, but they're not doing anything about and I need to know what happened when they saw each other!" she ranted.

"Wow, Ange, slow down! I can tell you what happened." That shut her up "But you won't like it. Nothing. Doctor B came in and Booth was already there, and they hardly even said good morning to each other. Then Doctor B got pissed that Cam had called her out to a scene for a body that was still fleshy and then she left. Cam gave Booth a nice lecture after that though."

Angela sunk back into her chair with a frown.

"Really? That's it?" she asked, utterly disappointed.

"Yeah" Hodgins confirmed, "But you know what those two are like. They don't talk about anything to do with their relationship if it's too close to being an argument. They're both world class avoiders, it could take years for them to talk about this again."

"You need to talk to him!" She exclaimed.

"What? Why?"

"Because, you're a guy, he's a guy. We have to do something Jack. We can't let them walk away from each other again."

"No, we need to stay out of it, they need to figure this out on their own Ange. Besides, Booth is with someone else now. How do you know he hasn't moved on? We can't force them together."

"Sure we can" she responded plainly, "They belong together Jack, we both know that, everyone does."

"Yeah, but let's just wait and see alright? We have a case to work on anyway."

"Hmph, fine!" Angela pouted as Hodgins kissed her on the top of the head and turned to leave her office "But I do this in protest!" she called after him, uncrossing her fingers under her desk. There was no way she could just leave this to rest.

"Booth, I'm elbow deep in this poor girls abdominal cavity, your pacing isn't going to make me work any faster" Cam chastised Booth who had been impatiently pacing the length of the autopsy lab for the past half an hour. He grimaced as Cam withdrew the girls stomach and placed it in a bowl with a horrible squelch.

"I need something to work with here Cam" he said, looking in the opposite direction.

"And I'll give it to you when I can, why don't you go and get some coffee or something? You're driving me insane! And you know I can't give you this girls identity until Doctor Brennan can do a facial reconstruction, and an examination of the skeleton. I will call you when we're ready." With that she went back to her work, ignoring Booth until he finally gave up and left the lab.

Booth was still avoiding Bones, it wasn't like he had any idea what he could say to her anyway, so when he left the autopsy lab and saw that Bones was in her office with Angela, he slipped away before anyone else could see him.

"Sweetie!" Angela cried, waddling into Brennan's office where she was sitting at her desk typing away furiously.

"Hello Angela," she mumbled, still typing away, she was working on the new chapters of her latest book that her editor wanted to see by the end of the week. Unfortunately Angela wouldn't take the hint and instead of leaving her alone, sat down across from her and watched her with raised eyebrows.

"What Ange?" Brennan asked as she finished another paragraph.

"What happened with Booth?" she asked bluntly.

"Nothing"

"Hodgins told me you guys didn't even talk to each other, what's up with that?" she pushed.

"Its just really weird Ange" she sighed "I didn't want it to be awkward, I just wanted to go back to how we used to be. But then I got there and I saw him and I just… couldn't."

Angela nodded knowingly.

"What?" Brennan asked.

"Well, it's hardly unusual is it? You and Booth both have feelings for each other, but you can't get it together. That last time you saw him he was kissing your brains out! Did you really think it would just be business as usual the next time you saw him?"

"Well, yes. Why wouldn't it be? We know it's not going to work, so why can't we just go back?" Brennan's voice dripped in desperation. She smiled sadly at her best friend.

"It doesn't usually work like that sweetie."

There was a knock on Brennan's office door bringing an abrupt stop to their conversation.

"I'm ready for you now Doctor Brennan," Cam said, "Mr. Nigel-Murray is preparing to clean the bones, but I thought you might like to take a look at the body before he does that, now that Booth is gone."

"Sure Cam, I'll be right there." Brennan said, turning off her computer monitor. Cam left with a nod and Angela stood before her, continuing to tap her foot impatiently.

"There's nothing I can do about what happened Angela. Now, I need to work." She stood from her desk and collected her lab coat from the coat stand behind her, buttoning she approached her friend, "I appreciate your concern Angela, but I'll be okay."

* * *

**I'm no really happy with this chapter, it feels disjointed and I know it's all filler. But hopefully it will get better by the next post! Please review and inspire me!**


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